30 Things a Nurse Wants to Tell You

Here’s 30 things your nurse may have thought, but never said.

1. It’s ok. You can breathe. You’re talking.
2. I’m older than you think.
3. I’m not a waitress.
4. I require nutrition to function. My taking lunch is not to punish you. I really need to eat.
5. I’m not killing you.
6. This is not fun for me either.
7. I noticed you’re able to sleep, eat, and/or talk on the phone with that 10/10 pain. Interesting.
8. Here’s the call light again. This is so you don’t have to yell “hey girl” at the top of your lungs. Subsequently, my name isn’t hey girl.
9. Are you familiar with the words “please” and “thank you?!”
10. You don’t have to poop everyday. I promise.
11. So… You say you don’t use drugs. Your positive drug screen indicates you do. It’s ok. That happens a lot.
12. Don’t abuse the call light. It may disappear.
13. Your arms are not broken as far as I’m aware.
14. You are allowed to do some things for yourself. For example, you may scratch your own nose.
15. Stop being a baby.
16. Feeling sorry for yourself does not foster healing.
17. Be nice to me. I know 100 ways to kill you just off the top of my head.
18. I’m not a maid.
19. My feelings get hurt too.
20. Your socio-economic status means nothing to me when caring for you.
21. You are not starving to death.
22. Removing your oxygen mask doesn’t help you breathe better. You will die.
23. Despite your assumption, no, I can’t lift 3 times my own body weight.
24. Yes. I “only” work 12 hour shifts. I’m super, but not super-human.
25. Kinda like food, I require sleep too.
26. Just because I’m sitting doesn’t mean I’m not working.
27. I laugh at funny stuff. That doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with your time here.
28. If crazy was a diagnosis, you’d be all set.
29. You will be the cause of my disability claim.
30. You are not my only patient today.

 

~Author unknown

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